one hundred posts from young alumni

today marks my official 100th post to young alumni! it’s hard to believe the unexpected ways in which an idea can grow and develop.

since that fateful day in march when i pressed 'publish' for the first time, this site has daily surprised me by pulling forth ideas i never before would have imagined myself capable of.  i’ve really enjoyed sharing my thoughts, crafts, cats, travels and overall life lessons as i stumble across them with all of you.  that being said, i am still learning the ways of the road so to speak, still finding my voice.  i want to not only strive to create a page that i can look at and feel proud of, but to also ensure that i am producing something that is worth the time to my readers.  

i laughed to myself when i realized that it had been nearly 9 months since i created young alumni, because in many ways it has become my child.  when i am busy as all get out (like i have been lately) i feel a twinge of guilt for any sort of neglect to posting. i’ve poured myself into young alumni with the hope of positive results and i hold it very close to my heart.  

i’m reading “mans search for meaning,” right now and i’ve been devouring it because in so many ways it speaks precisely to the hurdle i sometimes feel myself suspended over.  as a concentration camp survivor, author viktor frankl examines human suffering and concludes that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, but the discovery and pursuit of a meaningfully driven life.

“mental health is based on a certain degree of tension. the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become.”

i think that the greatest lesson that i have learned so far in this post-collegiate/pre-woman limbo is that i must always be actively searching for my own meaning.  truly it is the times when i allow myself to ignore dissatisfaction with my current job, to let go of the basic values i live by to sate a difficult co-worker, or to forget to save time for personal creative joys like this blog, that i am at my lowest. 

so, as my 100th post i wanted to take a moment to thank each and every one of you for your support.  i cannot believe that i have readers from over 10 countries!  there is a silent encouragement in the numbers i see run up my analytics each day, and at this time i’d love to hear your voices!  

as an opportunity to discover meaning in my work, i’d like to ask you all to take a moment to think on what you’ve most enjoyed about young alumni and what you’d like to see more of.  hoping to see more craft posts? looking for more copy heavy posts or do you prefer the short and sweet? interested in what i’ve been doing around my apartment? want more link heavy posts filled with lovely internet finds? think you could use some more music? enjoying the introspective posts about what growing up means? please let me know! you can post them 1. here, 2. on my facebook fan page or 3. email me at sierrakellydesign@gmail.com.  

in exchange i’d like to offer one of my fun handmade linen pinwheel brooches to one lucky reader. wear it as a fun holiday accessory or give it as a gift to a special lady in your life. all you have to do is comment through one of the 3 mentioned forums about your thoughts on young alumni and i will place your name into a pool to be selected next week. i love producing this site, and want to work to make it the best it can be, but i can’t do it without you! 

isn't it peculiar, charlie brown, how some traditions just slowly fade away?

i am thankful for the calming effects of nature enveloping the highway. for beautiful family heirlooms that mark the coming of a season as well as a time for celebration. for spending time in the kitchen with my nanny who continues to teach me, more and more each day, how to become a woman. for the comforts of traditional family food, and being surrounded by loved ones.  for the most enjoyable naps of the year with a full stomach, an overstuffed couch and a quiet fire.  

for completing knitting projects, especially ones that show gratitude for a lovely gift (like my wonderful kindle), and for learning the secret to making delicious family holiday staples. for some things that never change, like vintage cars accompanying us on our return drive home after their annual road show. for lemon bars and leftovers and being proud of my team, even when they lose. 

i am thankful for my health and the health of those dear to me.  for grace and gratitude and the lessons of hindsight. and i am thankful for the year 2011, which has flown by in a whirlwind and reminds me to count my blessings, and to make the most of this wonderful remaining month.

back with happy mondays.

everywhere i look it seems like construction is popping up. my porch is regularly coated in a thin layer of sawdust from the high-rise being built to the south. each day it climbs it’s way skyward, blocking my tiny view of the ocean inch by inch. 

towards the north a realtor’s renovations have been raucously carrying on for months, and last weekend my neighbor had to cut down a beautiful 25-year-old schefflera that was growing into the foundation of his home.  basically, it’s been a pretty deafening couple of months.

so i wasn’t that surprised when i came home last sunday and saw no sign of kensey.  you have to accept that indoor/outdoor cats are going to occasionally have adventures that extend beyond their normal visiting cycle, and with all that noise i assumed kensey was happy to spend some time away.  

then came monday. and tuesday. and wednesday.  by thursday i was beginning to lose my cool. when you are missing a pet it sits on your shoulders all day long.  i put it away for as long as i could, but the lump in my throat had grown portentous and i could no longer ignore the obvious.  kensey was missing.

so i did something that absolutely makes my heart ache; i put together some missing kitty posters. i papier-mâchéd my neighborhood with signs, and even went on an incredibly gloomy visit to the humane society. 

 

thursday came and went and i was still catless.  the nights were restless; even the slightest noise had me glued to my window with hopes that a two-toned cat nose would appear pressed against the glass.

the fear that spreads with absence jumpstarts the deepest dreads our imagination can muster. i was sure a car had hit him, that he’d had a lethal encounter with the neighboring construction or that he was hiding himself like animals instinctually do when they are fatally injured.

what really got to me was watching emerson. i could see my lonely behaviors refelcted in her body language. the lament of her expression meant he was beyond even her ring of territory. how would we ever find him?

then on friday afternoon the phone calls began.  a woman thought she spotted a cat that matched his description, but it had a patch of black fur.  not him.

an older gentleman thought he saw him a few days ago but the cat in question had long hair.  also not him.

a woman called just to see if he had been found because she felt so bad when she saw the posters, and promised to keep a look out. someone even offered to leave food outside in case he was hurt and hungry.

the outpouring of assistance from my neighborhood was staggering.  with the exception of college i’ve lived my whole life here, all the while obscurely surrounded by quiet people i never knew to be so kind and considerate. 

then four o’clock rolled around and i got a glimmer of hope.  a man called me who lived just a few houses down and said he was looking right at a cat identical to the picture, blue collar and all.  he put me on hold while he tried to capture the suspected feline, but had no luck.  he described the spot in the bushes where he’d disappeared to and said he’d keep an eye out.

i left work early, raced to my apartment to throw on some sneakers and jogged down the street.  one of the grey neighborhood tabby’s chased after me and followed my every step. we'd formed an interspecies search party.

i scanned the dense foliage around the entire apartment building, passing the doorof the man who called multiple times. he must have checked out his door just after i made another pass. i never saw him come out but on my third round i came across a mysterious note tucked beneath a rock.

i crouched to read the note at just the exact moment that a fuzzy orange head popped out from under the sidewalk.  i looked over to my gray kitty companion and exclaimed,

“really!? this is the way i find him? this is ridiculous. am i on the truman show?”

there he was! not injured but clearly spooked by something.  i coaxed him from his kitty warren and raced home at top speed.  as we approached my house he suddenly turned fearful and jerked with all his might, trying to escape my grasp.  thankfully the adrenaline of finding my long lost kit kat gave me super human strength to overcome his fervent attempts.  

on the balcony he excitedly lept from my arms and flew into the house where he was greeted by the excited advances of emerson and even lady.  though still shaken, he was clearly relieved to be home and proceeded to his favorite spot where he slept for at least a day.  

his absence is still a mystery, though i suspect the menacing sound of a chain saw followed by the thunderous crashing of a massive tree contributed to his fright. he may have even been in the wrong place when it came toppling over and, following a narrow escape, taken off running. i had a discussion with the whole kitty pride and let them know that they had now each had their own frightening moment in the spotlight, and that there was to be NO MORE TROUBLE, do you hear me?

after he settled i headed back out to i take down all the signs i’d posted. i returned to the spot where i’d found the note and, when there was still no sign of the man who called, replaced it with one i’d written, “i found him, i am so grateful! thank you.” 

later that night, we spoke on the phone and discovered that he was an old family friend i remembered visiting when i was very young. when we used to visit, his late wife edie would read me a very old copy of winnie the pooh that she’d painted beautiful watercolor characters in. i couldn't believe i'd unknowlingly been helped by a stranger that was also a long lost friend.

in troubled times, whether big or small, the empathy and consideration of our peers is a great comfort, but it's the active efforts of strangers that truly serves as an affirmation of the worth of the human race. in my elation i was tempted to post follow up flyers thanking my entire thoughtful wonderful community.  instead i will save some paper and voice my gratitude here. to good luck and great relief, cheers.

she had a fear of trains

so, where did danny’s anniversary surprise take us? 

well, my only instruction was to wear TOMs and jeans, comfortable casual.  that was the first clue that this was not going to be a typical 'dinner and a movie' type date. he picked me up right after work and we cruised due west.

when you head inland in southern florida there comes a point where the coastal influence peels back, the terrain overgrows around you and an endless marshy swamp is interrupted only by ominous mill houses and farm land. 

the landscape is haunting in contrast to the overpopulated, overdeveloped coastal life which lies just miles away. it’s altogether inscrutable and disorienting, like driving through a fog for days into some undisclosed wilderness.  

once we were clear of civilization it became apparent that a beautiful time of day was approaching. the sun had not yet dipped low enough in the sky for dusk, and yet the air was cooling.  the back of my mind was grinning at what i thought i’d unraveled about our still withheld adventure.  we turned onto a piece of property which blanketed out for acres, and my suspicions were confirmed.

still haven’t got it? i’ll give you a hint.

we pulled up in back of a 500-acre ranch with two horses waiting outside their stables for us to ride. a raggedy miniature poodle rolled in the dirt and chased a barn cat whose mouth looked as though he’d been too close to the back of an agitated horse at one time or another. a ‘crusty prospector’ type, who was too southern to be true, tucked his sleeveless t-shirt over his wife beater and spit.  we stood on a dusty path and waited while two leathery skinned and clearly self-sufficient ladies in levis saddled our horses. were we still in florida? i was beginning to doubt it myself.

now to give you an accurate read on my equine skills, the last time i was on a horse it had a sign on the side of it that read ‘happy fourth birthday justin’.  none of the other kids at the party were brave enough ride so i was privy to hours of wild and crazy circles at a four-beat gait. (that’s horse lingo for walking.) needless to say my experiences are limited.

we followed a designated path that took us alongside the retention canals and zucchini beds of surrounding farmland.  horses grazed in far off stables and the chorus of animals settling in with dusk rose into the air. danny and i held hands from atop our horses while the harvest moon painted the night sky vermillion.  

i got into the groove of riding easily enough, which i suppose would be hard not to since my horse was 20-years-old. i must have caught him just before dinnertime because i found myself consistently falling behind as he slowed to yank towering vines from the adjacent overgrowth.  our guide joked, in only a mildly serious tone, that there were bears around and to not encourage them with too many raucous noises.  (gulp?) 

while our trip was anything but intense, traveling at the mercy of a powerful and free thinking vessel was a uniquely intimidating experience.  i have lamented over my fear of mechanical failure on an airplane, but to be in the care of animal, with which i could only limitedly communicate, added an all new element of unpredictability.

i sat there on my horse, torn between a desire to really go and my obvious clinging at the thought of heavy hooves and hard ground.  it brought to light how much i’ve allowed myself to shrink away from life’s will.  in the past few years i have spent far too much time worrying about my own mortality for such a young woman. there is nothing wrong with being cautious, but i need to embrace danger as a possible risk in most situations, or else miss the opportunity to live.

i retuned to the camp refreshed and repositioned. pulling away from the noise and the speed of society was relaxing in a wonderful way.  for the first time in a while i felt like i could really hear myself think.  no engines, no job, no urgency; just us and a little bit of undisturbed world. it was an incredible gift.

 

 

things i learned about hourseback riding number 082: it's really hard to take steady pictures on a horse.  like next to impossible.

well i-i, i wanna be your lover baby

this past week daniel and i celebrated a year of our lives spent together.  as with many relationships, we sort of melted and blended into place, and therefore struggled to find a definitive date for celebration. we finally decided on november 11th and were pleasantly surprised when the day rolled around and the fact that it was 11/11/11 dawned on us.  talk about luck.

i wanted his gift to look exciting and special, and of course i relish any excuse for a good craft project, so i pulled out my sewing machine and got to work. 

it’s hard to describe the honor, joy and absolute comfort i find in sharing this stage of my life with him; i could not have asked for a more thoughtful and considerate man. even when i am frustrated with work or struggling to find meaning in myself, he is there.

i remember once when we were discussing the ups and downs we all endure in a relationship, danny said something that really struck a chord with me.  he explained that, “it’s not how a person treats another at their best that defines who they are.  it’s how they react at moments when things are at their worst.”

in many ways this year has truly been a test. this new season of life has been trying and difficult for all of us, but i think beginning a relationship outside the fluffy confines of ease has made us that much stronger. 

we’ve learned a lot about what it’s like to live beneath our means. to think, not simply at the budget line but below it to allow room for growth.  maybe it’s required less frivolity and more time at home, but that has only created opportunities for learning about each other’s routines, enjoying the things we have in place of the things we want and exploring new recipes and methods of entertainment. it has also meant saving and planning to meet future goals as a reality instead of a theory.  

we are at different places in our lives right now; he’s still in school and waiting tables, while i am working a business world’s 9-5. he is a short day and a long night and i am quite the reverse.  essentially, our biology is off. however i think it’s a rare occasion to sync lives perfectly with another, and beginning a relationship without that ease allows for realism. 

of course sometimes i wish we were both living in similar stages, but i think there is something to be said for maintaining independence within the confines of a relationship.  developing a bond with this dynamic has created time for us to pursue our own individuality-together. we look optimistically towards the future, we make allowances for one another, we work out less conventional ways to spend time, we grow and we adjust.

the sacrifices we, as humans, make to include others in our lives are often a lesson in defining meaning.  we stretch and twist and bend, and in the process we discover how we prioritize worth. 

sure, danny and i have pushed through a lot of obstacles, and along the way we have also found moments of great ease and effortless joy. but it is the sacrifices we have made that continue to reaffirm the high regard to which i hold our relationship’s worth.  daniel i love you and i am so grateful to know you’re here. 

 

stay tuned for the wonderful adventure danny surprised me with!